I am Sorry... Episode #3

#NewLife

Everything is over… I just had to forget everything that happened and start a new life. I tried. I went to office. Since I couldn't cross the bus stop without allowing her memories to pop-up in my heart, I took the train. I walked to the station everyday, which is 2 km away from my home, which I had never cared to use before, to get to my office.

I stepped into my office to the usual chatters, gossips, mocks, jokes and to all other noise of any office. I headed straight to my cubicle. As I moved towards my cubicle, I could feel that the sounds in my office was hitting a decreasing value like some volume control, it reduced gradually and when I sat on my chair it felt like that I had sat on a mute button, since everything turned silent. My office's crazy nuts is not used to these kinda serious situations. I knew at once that they all feel sorry for me and was trying to be considerate but eventually their effort to bring me back will fail. Since its been some considerable amount of days after the tragedy, I don't want to give them a tough time, So I laughed on seeing their sad faces, they were quizzed, even then so they smiled back in order not to make me look weird. With little awkwardness they came towards me, few hugs, nods and some sad smiles which I had to face before they all leave to their cabins. I sighed and started staring at my system. Suddenly I heard my colleague Anitha’s voice which was like an echo, Which guided me to the MD's office, since he wants a glance of me. God, again I must be stamping on that mute button as I walk. Then I realized that I had to get used to these awkwardness till everyone forgets about my past recent past.

As I entered his room, he greeted me with an unusual smile. Also he gave me the salary cover though it was just august 28th. Actually, It felt weird on being treated nice by him. But Its actually better than the awkward silence that I am experiencing now and then. As I got back to my work I felt that someone was peeping into my cabin. As I could guess it rightly every time, it was Anitha. Every office used to have this perfect iconic female employee, who takes charge of everything, not much of a talkative; But when does such responsible characters would end up in a good rapport with me?. I fought with her when I came initially to this office, also on the day before my wife passed away for which I really don't remember the reason. She knew that I had noticed her. So she came near my cabin and said hi. It was the first time that she talked to me politely, so I replied her back with a hi. She stood in front of me for nearly 5 mins before she awkwardly felt sorry for the things that happened and rushed back to her cubicle. I could understand that she felt sorry for my wife and for the little fight we had prior to all these incidents. Since she sits in the opposite cabin, I smiled at her as I was glancing around and she relaxed in her chair. Then I went on with my work. 1:30 p.m, lunch time.

I stood up and started towards the canteen by just checking my mobile without any reason, this has become a normal habit for everyone to check their mobile whenever they sit or stand from a place, to which I am also accustomed to. Within few steps my phone rang. I checked the caller. It was Dhilip, my best and only friend from childhood till date, at-least according to my knowledge. We had different goals in life, so we were separated during our college days. He didn't attend Aasha’s funeral, so he was calling me to apologize for that, I thought. But he was a very practical person and not as sensitive as normal human beings. I picked up the phone.

He said that he was waiting at my office and he ordered me to get permission and walk out of the office and into the parking lot. I had no choice as he wasn't requesting me. So I informed my MD and Anitha before leaving.

He was waiting there for me in his car. I got inside and we started. He was very silent. He didn't even ask or tell me anything. I thought that he would at-least ask about Aasha, but no, he didn't. I don’t usually want people to feel sorry for me or having pitiful looks towards me but he is my best pal and I just wished he cared a little. He wasn't conversing and so I asked him where were we going. He replied, “A place”. After hearing this I no longer tried to question him as I sat back on my seat quietly.

He stopped at the RTO's office and I had no idea why we were there. I walked with him and when he finally found some office personnel, we sat. The officer searched a large rack for some file. Then my friend turned towards me and asked me that do I remember what actually happened to my wife on august 12th. I didn’t expect that would be the first interactive word out of his mouth after all these years. Yet I replied him saying, “an accident”.

He had this curious look and a vexed smile on his face, he said these unbearable words, “No, it was an execution!!!”.

to be continued....

Categories: I am Sorry